You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to keep me safe and keep me feeling safe in my own house. You were supposed to make our house a home and look after my siblings. You were supposed to make sure that they did their homework and showered and went to school. You were supposed to protect them as well.
But you didn't. When you weren't absent, you yelled and screamed and made everyone feel bad. You made me feel guilty for existing when I had nothing to do with that. Why have kids if you can't handle the responsibility of another life? When you were absent, he yelled and screamed and made everyone feel bad. He threatened to kill everyone. He went so far as to sharpen knives in front of me. I hid them every night after that. He once held me down while he was drunk with his legs on my arms until I yelled and screamed that he was hurting me but he still wouldn't get off.
You were supposed to be there for us. You were supposed to let us express ourselves. You weren't supposed to leave me to raise my siblings, I just couldn't do that. Then when I practically failed year 9, you weren't supposed to get mad.
You make me so angry. You can't be nice now. Not after the hundreds of times you and he fought in front of me. Not after all the times you made him bleed, and he made you bleed. Not after the weekly ambulance and police visits. Not after the visits from social services.
I just want to be mad at you. For years, you treated me as a slave, just because you couldn't be responsible enough to run a household. You are selfish and immature and when all your kids hate you, it will be your own fault. You have never given us the time of day, you only spoke to us when you needed someone to love you because you knew that we'd love you unconditionally. But your love wasn't unconditional, was it?
You never believed me when I told you what happened at school, you never cared enough. You played favourites and put me in the middle of your arguments with him. You used us as bargaining chips to manipulate him. So did he.
Fuck you, Mother.
Love,
Your Darling Daughter
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